• johnblack

To stop paper cuts, Countdown to stop selling paper

Updated: Sep 19, 2021

Countdown will remove all paper from its shelves in an attempt to reduce the possibility of paper cuts. Countdown spokesperson for safety paranoia, Oliver Tweedy announced the policy today saying, 'We feel we have a responsibility to the community to eliminate paper cuts. They really can be quite nasty, I got one last Thursday and it still stings a bit.'

Countdown will no longer sell newspapers, baking paper or greeting cards. Toilet paper is not included in the new policy.

'We are also looking at ending domestic violence by not selling frying pans and graffiti by not selling pens', Mr. Tweedy added.

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