NZ Herald launches '90% truth project'
'I know it's a high target' said the Herald's editor, Des Eption, 'We usually hover around 60% but on days when we are covering up a government cock up, we can get down to the low 40s'.
Des explained a new raft of measures to increase the amount of truth in the paper.
'For a start we are going to fire all our millennial journalists. They don't seem to know the difference between opinion and fact. Next we are going to ask journalists working on stories to talk to people more than two blocks from their houses. Apparently people in Ponsonby don't represent the entire country. And finally we are going to try something really radical and actually criticize the government.'
In related news, after a late night meeting with government officials, Des accidently fell out a 12-storey window and shot himself twice, causing the unfortunate abandonment of the project.