• johnblack

Man identifies as woman to get half-priced drinks on ladies' night

'It was the greatest day of my life,' claimed William O'Shaughnessy or 'Whiskey Bill' as he's known in his local pub, the Pig and Whistle. 'The day I legally changed sex. I felt like my true self at last. A self that gets half-priced drinks on Tuesdays and Thursday nights.'

Long time town drunkard, Whiskey Bill explained that all his life he had felt discriminated against. 'If you are a woman, especially an attractive one, fellas are always buying you drinks. if you are a 78-year old male alcoholic with halitosis and a limp, you get nothing. Well, I did have a drink thrown at me once. I puked in a woman's handbag and she threw a vodka and cranberry juice at me. That was the second greatest day of my life.'

When approached about this obvious abuse of gender self-identification laws, the Internal Affairs department was unconcerned. 'We encourage people to self-identify especially if they feel discriminated against. Right now we have a program to eliminate the gender pay gap by getting women to identify as men, giving them an immediate 7% pay increase.'

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