Biden vows to bring himself to justice
'I promise to find whomever is responsible for this debacle in Afghanistan and bring them to justice, ' President Biden declared facing the wrong way in the White House briefing room. When he found the camera he should have been looking into he continued, 'I will not sleep except a few naps, one in the morning and one after Matlock, until the perpetrators of this outrage are found.' The president then retired for the day at 2 in the afternoon.
In unrelated news, all mirrors were reportedly removed from the White House shortly after.