• johnblack

Aucklanders overjoyed they can now wait in a 4-hour queue for cold K.F.C



With the change in alert levels from 4 to 3, residents of New Zealand's biggest city are wildly excited at the prospect of life continuing almost exactly as it had before. But now with the option to stuff their faces with fast food. Those ecstatic with this new freedom took to Twitter:


'Thanks Jacinda. I've been dying to try one of those new double-cheese-deep-fried chicken burgers. You know the ones with the gluten-free haloumi dressing? You're the best Prime Minister ever.'

-Trish1487

'I was gonna take my 92-year old grandfather to get his vaccination but now I'm gonna queue for hours at a Burger King. Maybe I'll get him a whopper instead.'

-Phil the panel beater

Major newspapers were preparing to take pictures of people waiting for food and call it journalism.

Health expert Belinda Buzzkill warned that fast food has a lot of sugar, fat and salt that while delicious could kill you. 'It would be unfortunate to avoid Covid-19 only to drop dead from a cardiac arrest brought on by too many McNuggets. Stick to carrots and boiled lima beans.'


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